


Six Points Due West

by OnerousFellow



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, Titanic AU, more tags incoming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 06:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15657735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnerousFellow/pseuds/OnerousFellow
Summary: Star-crossed rivals meet aboard the infamous ship Titanic in what could only be a cheesy, fluffy romcom. :)





	1. Two Tickets to Paradise

Four tall orange pillars with black brims jutted from the top of the large ship, piercing the early golden sun in the harbor of Southampton. Seagulls overhead called out to one another flying quickly to the ship to rest. A fresh sea breeze wafted towards the crowds of people seeming to calm their excited attitudes. Black suitcases and huge trunks were being transferred onto the ship by carts pushed by hard working men. Model T’s also transported baggage along with the wealthier passengers. Young boys dove around both alike chasing one another followed by a few mangy mutts following their masters’ tails. Amidst the chaos two young boys; one 18 and the other 10, stood side-by-side soaking in the scenery.

The older boy was of average height, dressed in simple clothes consisting of a dark green hat, a brown overcoat with large black buttons, a six-point star pendant, black pants, and shiny leather shoes. But what made him really stand out were his large emerald eyes and fiery red hair, which frizzed up slightly giving it more volume. The younger boy wore what seemed to emulate his young age with a gray cap which covered much of his dark black hair, worn out overalls, socks one of which was pulled up and the other curling around his ankle, and black suede shoes. Like his brother, he also seemed to have very expressive eyes, which were almost a reflection of the deep oceans’ depths. Despite their qualities, the crowds milled about them hiding them amongst a sea of bodies. Both each shrugged on their bags over their shoulders, breaking out of their rapture, to now board the boat.

Smoke hung low over the crowds as the two brothers edged their way towards the gang plank that led onto the ship. The green-eyed boy gripped his younger brothers’ hand in an attempt to keep them together and to calm his raging nerves. This was his first time away from home and it was even to a new country! Life had been hard in London, but it was a good life. His father was a carpenter which allowed for a nice quite life where they would not face poverty and his mum who worked as a baker making cakes and other delicious baked goods. Their life was perfect as far as he was concerned. But after a violent sickness overcame their father, the young boys both began working at various jobs in the area. On March 15 he finally succumbed to his illness and, scraping together whatever money they had, their mother decided that they should go to America to build better lives for themselves. The boy scoffed to himself. What could be so great about America anyway? It wasn’t where he grew up and it would never feel like home. Glancing down at his brother, who was gazing at everything, he sighed reminding himself that it was not about what he wanted but what was best for his brother.

 

Drifting out of his reverie, he dug through his deep pockets to find their two tickets. Once securing them in his hand he walked to the lowest gang plank and prepared to hand over his tickets to the man taking them out front. Just as he handed over the tickets a large figure shoved its way between the tickets and the man causing them to fall to the floor. The older boy gasped before dropping to his knees and quickly picking up the tickets.

“Hey do you mind? Watch where you’re going!”

The figure spun around and faced the older boy and fixed him with a piercing glare. His eyes were narrowed revealing a small sliver of his copper shaded irises which could almost be described as red if one were to embellish.  The man, who couldn’t have been much older but was heavier set than the boy in front of him, wore a pristine gray suit and polished black shoes. He wore no hat, which was a bit unusual, revealing soft brown hair that parted to the left. His clothes screamed wealth which only angered the red head about being cut off by him. Biting the inside of his cheek he glared directly into the man’s eyes to which the other man glared right back.

“I think we both know who has a little more authority in this situation, don’t you think?” The stranger asked, a smug look on his face.

 

His accent was definitely a weird one that neither brother could place. The green-eyed boy narrowed his eyes further.

“This is the gang plank to the 3rd Class rooms. I think you’d find more company suitable to your tastes, per say, a few floors up.” The brother responded, voice dripping in sarcasm.

Before the other boy could respond a voice interrupted,

“Uh excuse me? Sir? This ticket says you are indeed in 1st class. Please make your way to the gang plank two floors up.”

The crew member was holding the ticket out to the man looking extremely uncomfortable witnessing the brooding feud. Narrowed eyes opened up normally, revealing their full color, to look back at the ticket in hand before looking back at the other boy. The red-head was smirking at him motioning for him to move away with his hand. Grumbling under his breath, the man in the gray suit snatched the tickets from the crew member’s hand and stalked off throwing one last look at the triumphant green-eyed passenger.

    Feeling proud with what he considered a victory the brother proudly handed over their tickets which the crew member gladly took, ripped, and gave back to them. Walking up the gang plank, he realized they had just boarded the ship with that stranger and mentally groaned over the prospect of meeting him again. His younger brother walked in step with him and the taller of the two noticed that his head was lowered. Once inside the eldest knelt down in front of him.

“Hey it’ll be alright we’ve got each other, right? And nothing is going to separate us.”

The younger one raised his head and smiled softly.

“I’m not worried about that brother, I just don’t want to run into that guy again.”

  The redhead laughed out loud.

“That makes two of us, but don’t worry I don’t think we’ll see him around much.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Do you still wanna’ go on deck to wave goodbye?”

“Boy, do I!” The boy responded enthusiastically.

The two brothers laughed with each other before making their way to the staircase.

Up on deck, hundreds of people leaned over the railing to wave to the tiny ant-sized people below. Even from up here the smoke stacks were gigantic and neither boy had ever seen anything so big. Finding a small space open on the railing, they nudged their way in. The older brother bent down to lift his younger brother up onto the railing to get a better view; and the view was spectacular. The hazy fog of the city contrasted nicely with the bright blue sky and the cheers from below filled them with an overwhelming sense of happiness. The strange man faded from their minds as they looked over their home one last time.

“Do you think we’ll ever come back Kyle?” The younger one had asked.

“I don’t know Ike, only time will tell.”  


	2. Hell Raiser

"IIIKKEE! Get back here right now!" Kyle yelled, bobbing and weaving through the unlucky people on deck.

Several people dove out of the way following the shouting of the young man. A group of 1st class ladies shrieked in alarm as fiery red hair jumped into their faces.

"Sorry! Excuse me!" Kyle rushed not even bothering to slow down.

A puff of smoke blew in the young man's face causing him to have a coughing fit. It's pungent odor was enough to slow him down and make an effort to wave away the dirty air. Once it cleared, Kyle's eyes raced across the wide deck. A gray cap ducked behind a portly man. Clenching his fists, Kyle stalked over.

"Ike! I told you not to..."

"Look Kyle!" Ike said not even letting his brother finish his sentence.

His younger brother held up a brown-eyed Airedale Terrier. It's pink tongue hung lopsided down over its lower jaw. Ike had a goofy grin on his face smiling brightly. Kyle smiled back despite being a bit angry.

"Hey that's cool Ike, but you can't just go off running like that! This is a big ship and I don't wanna lose ya' here, got it?"

 

Ike looked back down towards the dog. "Okay." He answered in a defeated tone.

"Good. Now we should probably go to our..."

"Ah! Good! You found her!" A thick Irish accent exclaimed behind Kyle.

Kyle jumped before whirling around to face the stranger. The man had a brown cap on top of dirty unruly blonde hair. Wide playful blue eyes matched the toothy grin. He wore simple clothes, a brown pocketed vest over a plain white shirt, brown slacks, and black shoes. He jogged energetically over to where the boys were and dropped down to leash up the Terrier. Rising up he flashed a white smile and extended his hand towards Kyle.

"The name's Kenny. Kenny McCormick. I'd like to personally thank ya' lads for roundin' up the lass. She sure is a handful!" He said all of this while continuously shaking Kyle's hand.

Kyle felt awfully welcomed by the stranger so he decided an introduction was in order on his part.

"My name's Kyle and this is my brother, Ike. We're the Broflovski's."

"Broflovski, eh? Well pleasure to meet ya' Mister Broflovski." Kenny answered back finally releasing Kyle's hand.

"Oh please, Kyle's fine."

"Then Kyle it is." Kenny said with a wink.

"Excuse me. Sir? Is this your dog?" Ike asked still petting it.

"No lad. She would belong to one o've the 1st class passengers. Hell if I know which one." The Irish man shrugged.

"Then why do you have her?"

"We'll I'm the ships' dog watcher. I keep an eye o'er them." He paused for a moment before squatting down to eye level. "Say, you wouldn't mind giving me a hand down there, would ya? I mean, if it's alright with your brother."

Ike gave Kyle his best puppy dog face before asking in the sweetest voice he could muster, "Plleeeaasse Kyle, could I go help Mr. McCormick?"

"Kenny, please." Kenny said with a smirk.

Kyle bit his lip as he thought it over. The two looked up imploringly at him. The little dog snuggled between their faces. Damn little manipulators.

"Okay fine, you can go. But, you have to promise to be back before 6:00 alright? I'm serious."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you Kyle!" Ike shouted before throwing his arms around his brother's waist and then leaping away to chase after Kenny.

"Wait! It's almost..." But Ike was already out of sight.

Kyle stood alone on the deck and breathed out a sigh of exhaustion. Perhaps he would go take a nap in his cabin. Brushing the hair away from his face Kyle strolled his way to the stairs that would lead him to his 3rd class room. Taking his first step he glanced downwards to make sure no one was in the way when he recognized a familiar face.

"Damn." Kyle muttered, back-tracking the step and preparing to make a break for it.

"Eh! You! Wait up!"

Kyle froze unable to get away because he had been seen and running away would make him look like a coward. The man finally reached the top of the stairs and glared at the other man.

"I've been looking all over the bloody ship for you. We're the hell 'ave you been?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow, "I don't even know you. Why the hell would you be looking for me?" He countered.

The man was silent for a few seconds before answering, "I believe we got off on the wrong foot while boarding. It was in my best interest to come to you and make amends for it." He finished in a bored tone.

Kyle felt suspicious and unconsciously frowned in response. He had a feeling that there was more but he doubted he would be able to pry for any more information.

"So what? You want to say you're sorry? Look it doesn't even matter..."

"No, I'm not apologizing." The other man cut off. He sighed and brushed back his hair. "I just wanted to invite you to dinner tonight so I don't owe you anything."

"You don't owe me anything!" Kyle exclaimed exasperatedly. "Besides, I don't even know your..."

The stranger stuck out his hand towards Kyle. "Cartman, Eric Cartman."

Kyle looked at the hand before glancing back up. "Kyle Broflovski."

Eric's arm dropped to his side. "Good. Now that we know each other, would you please shut up and accept the invitation?"

Kyle felt like ripping out his hair over the man's stubbornness and, deciding to humor him , he said, "Fine, fine. I'll go. Now would you please let me go to my cabin?"

Eric nodded his consent before stepping aside to let Kyle pass. Kyle bumped into his arm before descending down the stairs. A voice called down to him, "Don't forget. 8:00. Be there, eat, then leave." The voice said fading off towards the end.

Kyle mumbled various expletives all the way towards his room where he promptly dropped face-first on his bed to ease his pounding head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters get longer I swear..


	3. Wine and Dine

"So you're having dinner with the guy that pushed you out of line?"

Kyle brushed his hair silently in front of the small mirror on the table. His mouth was a thin line, pondering over his response.

"Yup, that's about it."

"Why?" Ike asked bewildered by his brother's strange behavior.

"Because I have to Ike. If I blow this off he'll just try to find me again. Better to humor him now than being pestered for the rest of the trip." As he was saying this Kyle straightened out his bow tie and smoothed the brown jacket down the front. On a lesser note he was pretty damn curious what it was like to eat rich people food.

The clothes used to belong to his father, but after he passed his mother gave them to him. It was a bit big but otherwise functional.

"Plus, judging from the clothes he wears I can guess he makes quite a few bucks. Wouldn't you like some of that delicious chicken they serve to the first class?"

Ike's eyes widened and he subconsciously licked his lips over the thought of succulent chicken.

Kyle smirked at him through the mirror clearly seeing his younger brothers expression.

Ike's gaze refocused and he scowled at Kyle's smug grin.

Exiting the room, Kyle made his way up slowly to the first class dining room tugging on the pants of his outfit which kept threatening to fall off.  Eventually after a brief trek through the ship he arrived in front of the grand staircase adjacent to the 1st class dining room. Glancing at the clock at the top of the stairs Kyle realized he had arrived a bit earlier than expected. Satisfied with the time he could kill, he slowly made his way up the staircase marveling in the detailed woodwork. Step by step he ran his hands over the smooth wood fixture. If his father were here Kyle knew that he would be thrilled by the craftsmanship. Breaking from his reverie with a pang of sadness Kyle stopped looking over architecture and made his way back down the stairs.

5 minutes till.

Kyle wasn't sure if he planned on waiting for the other to show up. He surmised that the minute of 8:01 he was gone.

"And what's a rat like you thinking of being in the 1st class area?" A stuffy little man questioned, his nose upturned in over the top disgust.

"I was told to meet someone here! They should be by-"

"Who are you to go poking around in other people's business?" A black haired man intervened stepping to side up with Kyle.

"A third class passenger is not allowed-"

"Eh quiet," the man interrupted again sounding annoyed with the whole affair, "obviously he was invited here and am I to assume that you would suggest that I would not be privy to regulations set forth by the ship?"

"M-mr. Marsh! My apologies!" The crew member stuttered before skittering away.

"Marsh?" Kyle questioned.

"Where are my manners? The name's Stan Marsh. My father is one of the builders of this fine vessel. Isn't she gorgeous?" He held his hand out for Kyle to shake and Kyle eagerly took it.

"And my name's Kyle. Kyle Broflovski." Kyle smiled a bit awkwardly. "The ship really is beautiful."

"Glad to meet your acquaintance Kyle!" Stan smiled.

Before Kyle could say anything a gruff voice cleared their throat behind him. Turning slightly Kyle could see it was Eric, looking pretty annoyed at having been ignored.

"Well if you two are done drooling all over each other I'd much rather get this over with. " Eric remarked offhandedly.

Kyle sputtered and his face grew several shades of red, "Will you-!"

"Pleasure to see you as always Cartman." Stan remarked losing the smile he had been sporting less than a minute before.

Kyle glanced back and forth between the two individuals, “Do you… do you two know each other?”

Eric scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. “Yes. We have worked on deals a few times.”

In response, Stan rolled his eyes. “Please. You make it seem as if we were on friendly terms. I know what really went on from your end. You stole from my father’s investors to fund your own endeavors.”

Instead of defending himself, Eric merely shrugged before smirking slightly, “So what if I skimmed a little from the top? I never heard any complaints from Randy when his competition dwindled to almost nothing.”

Kyle watched fascinated as the two bickered back and forth. He was thoroughly entranced and could only watch speechlessly as his head swirled with thoughts and theories of the man in front of him. Just who was Eric Cartman? While his mind continued to cloud with interest of the mysterious person he gradually felt being drawn back into the conversation.

“Anyways can’t say it’s been nice seeing you again Marsh, but I have some company to attend to so if you don’t mind…” Eric grabbed Kyle’s shoulder steering him towards the dining room.

“Oh no you don’t.” Stan called, grabbing Kyle’s other arm, “I’m not letting you tempt this gentlemen into one of your shady business dealings!”

Eric’s grip tightened. “This is not a business meeting, I can assure you.”

Stan smiled. “Great. Then you won’t mind if I’ll be joining you for dinner.”

The brunette let out a frustrated groan rubbing his temple with his free hand, “Fine, fine. Whatever.”

Luckily for Kyle, they both released their grip and made their way into the room.

The first class dining room was beyond beautiful. The walls, though painted white were artfully decorated with ornate designs which stretched from floor to ceiling. Chairs, tables, and other accent pieces seemed to be crafted in oak done in a respectfully elegant Jacobean style. The entire room seemed to stretch far back, perhaps 35 meters? The most elite milled about socializing, dealing, and eating, as much as one would expect from the wealthy. Wide emerald eyes were blown wide, trying to soak in all the details of the luxury which permeated the very air.

The tight grip on his arm roused Kyle from his stupor and he focused in on the person currently attached to him. Eric Cartman was an interesting fellow. For one he was much bigger than most men his age, in both stature and size. He walked with a confident gait and seemed to have an air of superiority around him. Despite his round cheeks and soft skin, his eyes held a piercing gaze which one might describe as intimidating. As they searched the room, his eyes seemed dark and cold, but every so often when they light would catch them just right, Kyle could swear he see a hint of a rich mahogany.

“You know it’s impolite to stare.”

Kyle blanched, realizing he had been staring into Eric’s eyes to have made his previous observation. He blushed and snapped his head away.

“I was not!”

He heard Eric chuckle, but say nothing to discredit his blatant lie. Eric steered the group towards a table to the left near the center of the dining room. Much like the room, the table was pristine and set delicately with fine silverware and crystal glasses. Flashing a cheeky grin, Eric pulled one of the green chairs from the tabled and gestured for Kyle to sit. Kyle frowned in response before huffing and plopping down in his seat. Stan watched with a slight frown at the exchange before taking his own seat. Eric sat down last. A waiter approached immediately.

“What can I start you gentleman off with?”

“What’s the best wine you have?”

“Ah yes we have a very fine selection aboard! We have Beaune, Pommard, Savigny, Voln-”

“We’ll take a bottle of Savigny.” Eric interrupted, rolling his eyes.

The waiter pursed his lips before breaking into a wide smile.

“An excellent choice, sir.”

The waiter walked away briskly and Kyle turned towards Eric.

“You didn’t have to be rude to him.” Kyle frowned.

Eric sighed and leaned forward.

“I wanted to simple answer and he was taking too long in giving me that answer.”

Kyle scoffed before picking up the menu and glancing over the meals. His eyes soon glazed over as he tried to decipher what any of these meals were.

“So Kyle, what brings you aboard the TItanic?” Stan queried, causing Kyle to glance up from his menu.

Kyle smiled, grateful for the polite conversation.

“Well, my brother and I are making our way to America. And what better way than to go there in style.”

There was more to the story obviously, but Kyle didn’t feel like divulging the details of his personal life to strangers much less individuals way above his social class.

“Yes, this is one of the best ways to go I’ve been told.” Stan grinned. “What cabin are you staying in?”

Kyle appeared flustered, but was interrupted.

“Isn’t it obvious Stanley? He’s in third class.” Eric answered, sounding board.

Kyle’s face hardened while Stan glared daggers. “I don’t think I was asking you, Cartman.

“I don’t particularly like small chat, so I thought I’d speed up the process.” He answered glaring right back at Stan. “And I specifically remember not inviting you.”

Just when things started to look like they would get heated, the waiter returned carrying the wine.

“The Savigny. As requested.”

He gingerly went around the table filling the glasses a third of the way.

“And have you gentlemen decided on what courses you will be dining on?”

“I’ll have the fillet of veal and braised ham.” Stan started not having glanced at the menu.

“The roast duckling for me.” Cartman responded not looking at the waiter.

“And you?” the waiter questioned staring expectantly at Kyle.

In a panic, Kyle glanced down picking the first thing he saw.

“Supreme of chicken a la Stanley?” He answered which sounded more like a question.

Cartman snorted, but was otherwise silent as the waiter wrote down the order.

“All excellent choices. I will be back with your dinners shortly.”

The waiter left leaving the odd trio once more. Kyle glanced at his wine glass before gingerly picking up the glass and sniffing it. He grimaced at the strong odor before taking a small sip.

“You’re doing it all wrong,” Eric stated swirling his own wine in his hand, “You have to let the wine aerate by swirling it like this. It brings out the richness of the flavor.”

Kyle stared back incredulously before rolling his eyes and copying Eric’s movements. Bringing the glass back towards his lips he took a small sip still grimacing.

“Still tastes pretty awful.”

“Oh there you are sweety!”

Stan and Kyle shifted their heads towards the newcomer as she hugged Eric from behind and kissed his cheek. Eric’s face was pursed before settling into a more neutral emotion.

“Hi.. honey.”

The woman stood up and spun Eric’s chair around slightly.

She smiled warmly before asking, “Why didn’t you join me for dinner? And who are your two dashing friends?”

Kyle choked on his wine while Stan smiled sheepishly.

“They’re just some friends of mine. We were having dinner together.” Eric replied his voice remaining on a monotonous tone.

The woman shuffled a bit, a slight frown on her face before her smile returned full force, “Alright then! I’ll leave you boys alone.” She leaned down and planted a kiss on Eric’s cheek before walking away.

“Damn Cartman, who was that?” Stan asked, seemingly still in shock.

Eric glanced at his glass before having a small sip, “...my fiance.”

Stan hummed, “You know, I never thought you’d be one to settle down given your past… endeavors.”

Eric glared in response, “My past is none of your concern and I would you prefer if you left it alone!”

Kyle shifted in his seat. He hoped this would be over soon.

“And here you are! Your dinner is served.” The chef announced before slipping away quickly.

The trio ate in relative silence for the rest of the dinner.

* * *

 

“Jesus, how much did he have to drink?” Stan asked struggling to support his new drunken friend.

“At least one full glass. Guess he’s a lightweight, eh?”

Kyle struggled to follow the conversation, but everything seemed very light and funny. He giggled as he tripped over his own feet.

“Why on earth didn’t you say something?”

“God Stanley! I’m not his mom! He’s a goddamn adult.” Eric huffed shifting his arm under Kyle’s arm.

“Well I still think this is your fault. Right now though we need to take him to his room, do you know which one?”

Eric blanched. “I have no idea.”

Stan rolled his eyes, before looking Kyle in the eyes. “Kyle? Kyle! Where is your room?”

Kyle smiled gesturing towards his surroundings, “On a boat of course!”

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, “Well that’s going nowhere. Guess we should drop him somewhere else. Since this is your fault, might I suggest your room?”

“I don’t want him there! Why not yours?”

“Because unlike you I happen to share a room with my wife! And you know how she is about strangers crashing her space.”

“Selfish bitch,” Eric muttered.

Stan stopped and glared at Eric, “Watch it. Now your going to take care of Kyle until he’s ready to get up understood?”

“Fine, fine, whatever. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

They made their way to Eric’s room before dropping Kyle onto the couch. Stan made his way to the door before turning around and giving Eric one final look.

“You better not do anything to him or I swea-”

Eric scoffed, “What do you take me for? I would never sink that low!”

Stan glanced between Eric and Kyle before sighing and leaving the room. Eric glanced at Kyle only to find him currently sleeping. Sighing Eric unbuttoned Kyle’s jacket and removed it along with his bow tie and shoes.  He hesitates before removing Kyle’s shirt and draping it over the couch. Then he found a blanket and draped it over the sleeping form.

Getting ready for bed himself, Eric removed his nice suit before climbing into his warm bed. His head swirled with millions of thoughts before he finally fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: I have no idea what I'm doing.


End file.
